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Christian marriage is the incarnation of the Gospel of Jesus Christ with His Bride, the Church!

One of the most sacred and life-changing relationships we can have is found in marriage. All of us have heard stories of marriages that sound like fairy tales with happy-ever-after endings. And yet, all too often we have heard stories of marriages that failed and caused great pain in the lives of the families and especially the young children involved.

Christ Church is committed to preparing believers for Biblical Christian marriage between one man and one woman. Christ Church is committed to helping married couples experience the healing wisdom of wives honoring their husbands and husbands loving their wives as Christ has loved the church. Marriage is God's idea and marriage by His design works! When we follow His purposes for marriage and allow His Spirit to help us incarnate His Gospel in relationship to our spouse, marriage becomes wonderful and fulfilling beyond words. So, how's your marriage?

POLICY STATEMENT

Our facilities are not open to the public for the practice of religious and non-religious rituals or events that are not compatible with our doctrinal statement. Christ Church believes in, has supporting policies for and only practices the Biblical model of Christian marriage between one man and one woman until separated by death (Genesis 1-2; Matthew 5; 19; Ephesians 5; Hebrews 13:4).

18 "Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him.” 19 Out of the ground the Lord God formed every beast of the field and every bird of the sky, and brought them to the man to see what he would call them; and whatever the man called a living creature, that was its name. 20 The man gave names to all the cattle, and to the birds of the sky, and to every beast of the field, but for Adam there was not found a helper suitable for him. 21 So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and he slept; then He took one of his ribs and closed up the flesh at that place. 22 The Lord God fashioned into a woman the rib which He had taken from the man, and brought her to the man. 23 The man said, “This is now bone of my bones, And flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, Because she was taken out of Man.” 24 For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh. 25 And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed." Genesis 2:18-25.

Marriage, by His design, is one of the most wonderful and fullfilling relationships we can have. How important is it to marry the right person - God's perfect choice for you? It is etremely important!

Many couples have given up on the idea of marriage. Whether this disbelief stems from a fear of experiencing the same problems that some married couples have or an obsession with personal freedom, many people simply dismiss marriage. We don't have to live in fear.

There is nothing quite like being in love and preparing for Christian marriage! Christ Church of Central Arkansas is committed to helping couples prepare for God’s wonderful purpose and design in marriage and the family. The Unpack Your Bags: Preparing for the Life-Changing Relationship of Marriage in Christ wedding application and pre-marriage counseling series is an important part of starting well in preparing for marriage! Why? Because we are dealing with your marriage! We are not dealing with a decision to buy a goldfish or where to buy your next cup of coffee. This is your marriage. The decision to marry will redefine you and change you. It will set up a series of life changes that will last for generations. We are profoundly obligated to take your marriage seriously and do our best to prepare you for the privileges and responsibilities of being husband and wife.

Submitting this wedding application does not imply acceptance or approval into the counseling program. Pastor Chris will review the application, marital history, and consult with parents, pastors, Best Man, and Maid of Honor before accepting the ministry of preparing the couple for the life-changing relationship of marriage in Christ. It is best for applications to be submitted at least one year to eight months prior to the date of the ceremony.

Stanley J. Ward

Crosswalk.com Contributing Writer

It started with an accident...

When our school receptionist met me with a worried look as I came to work, I knew something was wrong.

"Stan, Mindy's been in an accident. She says she is okay, though."

Through the years, Mindy has had several health issues: she has been backed over by a GMC Tahoe, developed a wheat allergy, showed signs of some kind of auto-immune disorder, and more. So given that I am chronically a little anxious about her health, I immediately left to check on her.

It was a four car pile-up. Mindy's CRV was the first to be hit. She seemed dazed and had a burn from the airbag. Her wrist was discolored, so we sent her to an urgent care center to get checked out. That was a pragmatic decision; our co-pay for the ER was much higher than that for the urgent care clinic. Good news. Nothing broken. No evidence of serious injury. We took her home to rest.

Flash forward one week. One of Mindy's co-workers called: "We are taking Mindy to the ER. You need to meet us there. Something is really wrong. Her speech is slurred, and she can't write anything down." After a few brain scans we had a new diagnosis: post-concussive syndrome. Mindy spent the next several weeks in bed. After weeks without any sign of recovery, she lost her job. On top of it all, the driver who hit her had no insurance.

Promises vs. Reality

When Mindy and I married, we wanted to write our own vows because somehow it would be "more meaningful." Among those vows were her promises to encourage me, pray for me daily, and make our home as stress-free as possible. In spite of those promises, and through no fault of her own, Mindy was now relegated to bed and emotionally unstable. Oh, and did I mention we had two grade-school daughters? And I was working on my PhD while teaching full time? I felt like an over-worked single-parent: neither mom nor dad, just... mad.

The next year would feature numerous doctor’s visits, speech and physical therapy, Mindy sleeping a lot, and a variety of financial worries. And frankly, a lot of anger from me. While failing at other idealistic promises, I kept my most important vow: not to divorce her.

The old vows are wise vows

Vows about fidelity in sickness and health, better and worse, richer and poorer ‘til death aren’t especially enticing to a twenty-something confident of future health, getting richer, and becoming better (after all, we were “living right.” Surely God would protect us from irrational bad stuff). We thought our own vows - based on Scripture passages about marriage, no less - would be even more significant.

We were fools.

Here is reality: bad things happen to good people. A lot. For no apparent reason. Now don’t freak out on me, Christian reader. I’m not advocating nihilism. I’m just saying what seems to happen to us.

If our vows are centered on a hopeful marital ideal and not a realistic and holistic picture of life together – its ups, downs (and sometimes, sideways) – then we are woefully unprepared for what life will throw at us, even as part of God's sovereign plan. By the time of Mindy’s accident, we had already experienced several years of her being inexplicably sick, financial stress (while serving in ministry settings no less), and increasing personal stress for me as I took on more responsibilities trying to dig us out of what seemed like an ever-increasing mess.

(Did I mention that I was in a car accident less than three months after Mindy’s? We went from a two-car family to a zero-car family. I also totaled our computer when I vomited on it a few weeks after my car accident).

I'm convinced our lives are stories. Like all stories, our life stories are composed of settings, conflicts, and resolutions. Thankfully this episode of our story began to find some resolution after a few years. In the midst of all that stress, God really did provide for us. There were several times checks just showed up in the mail; we eventually purchased gently used cars; Mindy got strong enough to work two days a week; I was able to finish my PhD coursework. In the process I grew up a bit, and I learned a lot about being a husband. I need to say all those positive things to any readers in the middle of a similar situation – don’t give up hope. I can’t say exactly how God will provide for you, but I can say He provided for us. So if you are in the middle of something similar, don't give up... on God or yourself.

Waiting on resolution was not easy, and we made significant changes to make things work. Honestly, I still get frustrated with Mindy’s limitations. Right or wrong, I feel like because she is limited, I am limited. And I don't like being limited. But of course, man rejecting limits was the precursor to a fallen world (see Genesis 3:1-7). And on a broader level, until we can admit that not only are we limited, but spiritually broken, we will not allow ourselves to experience Grace.

Was divorce an option?

One year after Mindy’s accident, we visited her neurologist, and he mentioned a shocking statistic: over 80 percent of marriages where a spouse has a head injury end in divorce. Although a few people asked how I was able to live with Mindy during our situation, I never considered leaving her. She had a similarly debilitating condition the first time I attempted a PhD, and my academic advisor suggested divorce, but I didn’t take that advice seriously then either.

My fidelity was not because of my superior character. I suspect some of my commitment was due to growing up in a single-parent home and knowing: a) I did not want that for my children, b) Mindy couldn’t take care of herself if I left, and c) in spite of her personality changes, excessive sleeping, and often glassy-eyed stares, there were still moments when I could connect with the person I married. After a year, I looked into her eyes one day and could see that she was “back.” We still have struggles related to her injury, but at least I can interact with Mindy again. Not being able to interact with the woman I pursued, dated, and married was the hardest part of her injury. It's also the most hopeful part of her recovery.

So all this talk about vows implies a question: when is divorce an option? I don’t have an easy answer. The Bible’s commentary on divorce basically goes like this: divorce is bad (cf. Deut. 24:1-4; Mal. 2:16; Matthew 19:1-12; 1 Cor. 7:10), yet it is allowed, sometimes (Matthew 5:31-32; 1 Cor. 7:15).

That was a gross oversimplification that lacked nuance, but it was also an accurate

summary.

I know divorce is bad. I grew up in a divorced home. I've seen what it does to everyone involved. I've spoken at single-parent events, and I have listened to their stories (by the way, there is never a "pretty" single-parent story). So just because things are bad does not mean divorce is a good option.

Interestingly, the Bible contains a few examples of "bad" marriages. Personal fulfillment does not seem to be the goal of a biblical marriage. Consider Hosea who stayed faithful to a faithless prostitute. And of course, there’s Christ’s command and example: love the unlovable/love your enemy (especially as observed in Romans 5:8).

So does that mean divorce is never an option? Again, the Bible makes allowances for divorce, but it is never the ideal. We live in a broken world, and that world includes broken marriages. Personally, I’d advise a person whose physical safety is at risk to get out of the relationship. If your spouse “goes crazy” and decides to leave, well, there is not much you can do about that either.

How to hold fast

By God’s grace I have never been pushed to the breaking point. I don't know when it is okay to leave. My experience tells me that "staying" may be hard, but it is worth the effort. If you find yourself in a situation like mine, here is where I would suggest you start:

1. Get physically healthy. One personal breakthrough came when I changed my eating habits, lost 40 pounds, and started exercising. The physical exertion got rid of some stress, and gave me additional physical energy to deal with both the emotional and physical challenges I faced.

2. Your health requires healthy relationships. I am indebted to Les Ellsworth, who sought out my friendship in the midst of a very difficult time. Les set up times for us to get together, and he listened, giving me feedback when I was completely nuts, but never judging me for my rants, rages, or whines. I also saw a professional counselor who later became a friend, Chris Legg (who blogs on Crosswalk). Chris helped me figure out why I was angry all the time and what I could do about it.

3. Pursue spiritual health as well. For me this was the most difficult. Frankly, God had disappointed me over and over again. Though I would never admit to pursuing a "health and wealth" gospel, my anger with God involved both those issues. There were times I shook my fist at Heaven, asking "How could you throw me into this wilderness?" And almost instantly The Spirit reminded me: God delivered the Hebrew slaves by leading them through the wilderness. And He leads individuals through the wilderness, too. It is simply how He works. So the "wilderness" is nothing personal, it's just part of Providence.

4. Simplify: commit to less; expect less. You need margin in your life to deal with unexpected relapses and to support your spouse. For me, that means politely refusing a variety of opportunities and being deliberate with how our family spends time. Stamina issues often go with head injuries. I compare Mindy's stamina to our family budget - a limited resource that we must spend wisely.

5. If you have friends in a similar circumstance, listen to their story before you give them advice. Then, look for practical needs that can be met. I appreciated the thoughtfulness of people who said they were praying for us, but that wasn’t much practical help (I specifically remember one unfortunate day when our Sunday school class prayed over us and our situation immediately got worse). So if you really want to help, don’t offer a Bible verse. Offer a meal, or child care, or a check that can pay some bills. Try to take some of the stress out of the situation so the care-giving partner can experience care-receiving.

6. Finally, whether you are in a difficult marriage or not, you should read Sacred Marriage: What if God Designed Marriage to Make us Holy More Than to Make us Happy? Some of my anger was rooted in a sense that I was giving and giving, but not getting much back. I suspect this frustration applies to most marriages, even those in less dramatic situations. Sacred Marriage can help you get perspective on this. Also, my wife found John W. Cassidy's book Brain Storms: Recovery from Traumatic Brain Injury to be helpful. Unfortunately, it is out of print. However, he also has a recent book, Mind Storms, for families living with a traumatic brain injury survivor.

Stanley J. Ward is the Director of Campus Life and Ministry at The Brook Hill School in Bullard, TX. He is also author of Worldview Conversations: How to Share Your Faith and Keep Your Friends.

Publication date: July 16, 2012

A Godly Spouse is...

Discovering the joy and fulfillment of Christian marriage is amazing! We can make all kinds of mistakes in our lives, mistakes such as taking a wrong turn or failing an algebra test. However, marrying the wrong person can result in one of the most tragic and hurtful decisions we can make.

Below are some qualities and standards of Christian character that are essential to not just marriage, but to being a Christian. Study this material and enjoy the benefits of making wise choices in your dating life. Remember, the kind of person you date, will end up being the kind of person you marry...

A Follower of Jesus Christ

What does it mean to be a Christian? To be a Christian means you have been born again and now live your life as an authentic follower of Jesus Christ. Jesus said, “unless one is born again he cannot see the kingdom of God” (John 3:3). Paul wrote, “For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God; not as a result of works, so that no one may boast.” See 2 Corinthians 6:14.

Active and committed to the Body of Christ

Hebrews 10:23-25, “Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful; and let us consider how to stimulate one another to love and good deeds, not forsaking our own assembling together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another; and all the more as you see the day drawing near.” See also Acts 2:42; 1 Corinthians 11:20.

Anger-free

Proverbs 27:4 says anger is like a flood. This refers to the overwhelming and destructive power of water. In relationships, anger, like a flood, overwhelms and emotional destroys another person. Proverbs even instructs us to not “associate with a man given to anger; or go with a hot-tempered man” (22:24). Proverbs features more warnings and teachings about anger, see 14:29; 15:18; 16:32; 19:11, 19; 29:8; see also Galatians 5:16-21; Ephesians 4:31; Colossians 3:8; James 1:20.

Bears the Fruit of the Spirit

A godly spouse, as a follower of Christ, will consistently produce or demonstrate the Fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23). It is true that we should not let our worst moment define us for life. And yes, it is also true that every saint has a past and every sinner has a future. But, when it comes to marriage, we are not called by God to be unequally yoked or joined to ungodly people.

Honors and loves their parents

Do you want to see how your date will end up treating you after marriage? Watch how they relate to their parents! As a general rule, the way a women treats her father will be the way she treats her husband; the way a man treats his mother will be the way he treats his wife. Are their exceptions? Yes. Some parents have their own issues and cause a separation wtih their own children.

See Ephesians 6:1-4.

Knows and lives out the will of God

Ephesians 5:17 tells us to “not be foolish but understand what the will of the Lord is.” God wants us to know Him and His amazing plans for our lives. A person who is a follower of Jesus Christ has more than enough resources and encouragement to know what God’s will is for their life.

Has a mature work ethic

How long does it take a man or woman to figure out what they want to be when they grow up? Sometimes an inability to settle on a career path or maintain employment is a critical cue to deficiencies in emotional and psychological development. See 2 Thessalonians 3:10; 1 Timothy 5:8.

Morally pure

Many couples have tremendous pressure to act out romantic love as portrayed in the media. The media has certainly given us a distorted view of sexual love. However, sex is God’s idea and when experienced in the confines of Christian marriage, sex is wonderful. Another general rule about people and dating relationships is that we rarely marry the first person we date. A couple who begins to date seriously and experiences feelings of infatuation, can compromise morally in the name of true love, only to end their relationship with a painful breakup. Now we have serious regrets. Pre-addictive and addictive behaviors with pornography and sexual unfaithfulness during dating, are critical cues of selfishness and immaturity and set up a stage and pattern for unfaithfulness in marriage. See Proverbs 5; Romans 13:11-14; 1 Corinthians 6:12-20; Galatians 5:13-24; 1 Thessalonians 4:3.

Prays..."my sheep hear my voice"

Jesus taught us to pray in Matthew 6:9-13 and Paul taught us to pray without ceasing in 1 Thessalonians 5:17. Mr. or Ms. Right will have a wonderful ability to talk to God by faith.

Has healthy Christ-esteem

In response to the question,"What is the greatest commandment?", Jesus said first, love God with all that we are and then second, love your neighbor as yourself. Healthy self-love only comes through Christ-esteem and is the basis by which we love other people. If we are distorted or dysfunctional inside and can’t see our value in Christ, we naturally project on to other people a kind of distorted or dysfunctional love, e.g., we stay “out of reach” and blame others for our loneliness or we “get too close” and experience rejection or disappointment and then blame them for taking advantage of us. Read John 3:16; 1 Corinthians 13:4-8; Galatians 5:22-23; Philippians 2:5-11 to have a better understanding of what true love is all about.

Understands and respects you

We all want to be understood and appreciated. The ability to relate to another person beyond your own immediate wants or needs is a primary developmental task in maturation. In other words, a mature person can see life through someone else’s eyes. Selfishness at its very core is destructive to relationships because selfishness centers on only one person. In Christian marriage, the relationship is other-centered. One of the hallmark qualities of the first followers of Jesus was a servant spirit. Mr. or Ms. Right will understand and respect you for who you are and care for your needs as an act of service to Christ. Read Philippians 2:1-11; Colossians 3:18-19; 1 Peter 3:1-12.

Has whole-person passion for you

If a man is only attracted to you because of your good looks and secretly is embarrassed by your intelligence, you are being set up for serious disappointment and problems in marriage. If a woman is only attracted to you because of your professional skills and your money generating power, you are being set up for serious disappointment and problems in marriage. Mr. or Ms. Right will be passionately in love with you for all of what and who you are. Read Song of Solomon.

A spiritual servant-based leader: Husband

Mr. Right will be a spiritual leader with a servant’s heart. Like priests in the temple, husbands and fathers are called by God to serve their families by both example and leadership in what it means to follow Christ. Mr. Right, therefore, will have clear and biblically-based convictions to guide and protect and mature his wife and children. Mr. Right will set spiritual direction and depth in the home. Read Galatians 4:1-2; Ephesians 5:25-33.

A spiritual servant-based follower: Wife

Ms. Right will be supportive and submissive with a servant’s heart to her husband's spiritual leadership. Genesis 2 teaches us that God designed Eve to help support, complete and make Adam whole. Read Ephesians 5:22-25, 31-33; Colossians 3:18; 1 Peter 3:1-6.